Don't Look Back
by That Unknown Fangirl
Summary: "Everything happens for a reason." "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." "Maybe everything that happened was for the best." For LoveBunny64's contest.


**I was bored, so I made a playlist of songs, and whilst I shuffled it and began listening to them… Uh, next thing I knew, I had Word open and two pages typed out. LOL. Anyway, this is my entry for LoveBunny64's contest, so I hope it's good enough! Enjoy :D**

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><p><em><strong>Don't Look Back.<strong>_

"_Everything happens for a reason."_

"_Every action has an equal and opposite reaction."_

"_Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."_

"_Maybe everything that happened was for the best."_

Echoes of words and lines I'd heard in the past fill my hollow head. I only believe one of them, at this moment. People said these things to me a long time ago, but they probably wouldn't have expected me to remember them after so long. After everything changed.

And… What _has _changed? I'm still _me_. It's not like I'd miraculously become a completely different person when I was with _her_. I was still Chad Dylan Cooper the entire time – I hadn't changed one bit on the inside. She may have changed me in the eyes of anybody else, but I'm still as much like myself as ever now. There is one thing, though. I didn't want us to just…_break up. _I didn't want to end things with Sonny forever. Or rather, I didn't want _her _to end things with _me_.

But what more could we have done? It felt as if we'd been running around in circles, and getting absolutely nowhere. We could have done something about it, but the problem was, we had no idea what to do. We just kept going the same way – lovers, one moment, and enemies, the next – expecting there to be a different outcome. But nothing ever changed. It had become a sort of routine – we'd fight, we'd break up, and eventually, we'd just make up like nothing ever happened. Isn't that just what crazy is? To keep going on like there was nothing wrong, when in fact, everything was getting worse?

That's why, right after she ended it forever, I was about to explode with all my anger. I was sure that instead of ending it completely, we could have tried to fix things – to find some way to make it work. But she didn't think so. And I wouldn't let myself cry. Chad Dylan Cooper does _not _cry. Although, I was hurt; in fact, I'm damaged, permanently. My world seemed completely frozen at that moment; my life, meaningless. And I was oh so desperately looking for an answer. Why had she felt so compelled to do this? I was at the point of giving up. She'd pretty much taken my life away, and I felt as if I had nothing left, after she left me. If I had a dime for every single time I thought to go back and apologise to her, I would be a millionaire by now. But I'm not. And I don't, because I won't. It isn't my fault that we're no longer together, so I have no reason to apologise. I fought for us – but I failed. All I became was an empty-handed failure. A broken, unstable failure.

She left me hanging. I never knew she was capable of doing this kind of thing – if I would've, I wouldn't have fallen in love with her. But I was naïve. I was in love, and I was trying to teach myself to be _good_. And where did that get me? Well, I'm lost. Still, even after two weeks, I'm just lost. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm broken. My life was already in pieces and thanks to her, it's fallen apart even more. She's wrong. I'm not. I didn't do anything. She caused the trouble. It was her action, and it caused my equal and opposite reaction. She said we'd never leave each other… How wrong she was.

I wasn't going to lose anything. It wasn't like I was gaining anything either. But without her presence, it's just empty.

To be honest, I've hardly lost anything, in a literal sense. But I don't know what's happened to me. Everything suddenly seems so unfamiliar. Every step, every person, every moment. There's sadness everywhere, and I'm just another stranger walking the path of love. And turning awfully poetic – more than I'd have liked.

I don't care, though. All I know is that whoever she was, she was mine. And whoever I am, whether she likes it or not, I'm hers forever. Ever since I found out I could no longer love her, I just wanted to keep myself away from love. When I realised I no longer had any right or reason to think about her, my heart tried to make excuses to put her back into my head. Everything we hadn't said to each other… Why didn't she say any of those things? Spoken, or unspoken…

But, what was there to say? Everything was at stake, and now something is missing. And if she says so, we'll find our ways again, and our paths will once again cross…

She made me promise not to leave her alone. Not to let her go, whilst she fell into my arms, crying her eyes out over something that sounded petty to me, but something that seemed to be destroying her inside. But now, all of that's gone.

I want to close my eyes, open them again, and see that everything's alright. I want to be happy again. I want everything to be okay. Everything keeps burning in my mind… I keep trying to hold on to the memories I have of her, even when everything's gone. I just want to fall asleep, wake up in the morning, only to find that nothing ever happened and this was all just a bad dream.

Sometimes I feel like she's here. Near me. With me. And however much I try to imagine her presence, the more it hurts that she's no longer there. She's mine, and we both know we belong together. I lost myself to find her. And when we were together, it was like nothing anybody said or did could possibly break us apart. No-one could snatch her away from me. We were careless – we had nothing to worry about, nothing to bother us.

Go tell the world. Publish it online, tweet it, make a video, write a facebook status about how weak I really am. Whatever. I don't care anymore.

Yet here I lie, awake, alone, thinking. Thinking about what happened, just a few days – okay, _weeks_ – previously. There's silence – the city's asleep, and I'm still awake. Everything – the flashbacks, the pictures, the songs, and the memories – flash through my mind. But now everything's finished. What would happen if we'd actually _tried_ to keep this working? Would things be different now?

But even if we'd have tried, we'd been wrong all along. The past is the past and the bruises may fade, but the way she's scarred my heart, that'll always stay. But what if things will get better? What will happen next? Maybe if she stays away from me long enough, she'll just fade away, out of my mind forever…

But who really knows?

I'm no psychic. I don't know what'll happen in the future.

It's no lie that I've been a loser at love before. No lie that I've been hurt before. I thought she was _different_. Thought she could cure me, heal my heart. And how wrong I was! I should've known, from my past experience, that love is like suicide. And as much as I tried to run and hide, the more it hurt at the end.

HURT.

PAIN.

LOSS.

HEARTBREAK.

_Nothing lasts forever._

_I don't want to look back on it anymore._

_I'm done._

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><p><strong>Oops… That got a bit angsty, at the end there… Eh, that's what I get for listening to songs like those. *shrug*<strong>

**Anyway, I hope that was good enough, considering I'm suffering from writer's block (and a stuffy nose… yuck) and I haven't been able to write since, well, I don't remember.**

**Ooh, and who can guess the songs that inspired this? Hint: The playlist had 32 songs, and only 8 of those made it through :P**

**And please review! I like reviews. Reviews are nice. And I haven't had the fuzzy warm feeling of seeing a new review in a while, so yeah… Heh… Just a thought.**

**LE GASPIFY. :O It's almost 2am! I is tired. Peace out!**

**-Sarah ;)**


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